on the run

Tue, 26 May 2009 12:28:10 GMT

I attended yoko's sending off today. it was my first military funeral, a sombre affair. The presence of all red berets, from a one star to privates, the old guards accompanying him to the hall, buddies for 37 years, the firing of the rifles and the last salute before they cremate him.

farewell encik,
last one for the PJI in the sky, SKYGOD

Sat, 23 May 2009 05:47:20 GMT

I think alot of guys flipped when they heard the news. its not hard to believe, its near impossible you know. a man of his age with such vast experience, clocking thousands of jumps could wind up in those kind of situation - dead.
.
.
sometimes I feel that the older I get, the more I lose, I lost the feeling of 'just do it' in me. If I were told to do a jump, let's say a tandem or maybe even static, I would literally stop and think twice now. In the past? who gives a shit about thinking? I kinda stopped pushing to the extreme, maybe just occasionally, and spend most of my time being a normal human being, no longer thinking about how far i can run or swim, how deep i want to dive and also jumping out of planes and choppers. looking back at the posts, I see a me that wants to challenge death, now I only wish for a normal life.
.
.
maybe its just the after effects of the news, prolly like the others also sitting down and thinking, why the hell are we doing such things in the first place, doing such dangerous stuff and getting ourselves injured or winding up dead. but in the end, no matter how the story goes from here, we'll be back in training doing stuff that are senseless to others again, same shit, different day.
.
He has been many's inspiration. Achieving the thousand jump, and passing on his knowledge to the countless in airborne courses. He'll be dearly missed by many for sure. At least we know he died doing what he loves best. As of now, I offer my salute to him, and may he rest in peace.

1WO Tan - Yoko Yoko

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:44:48 GMT

One and a half month in Taiwan is way too long. Plus the extreme cold front, it prove to be the highlight of anyone's nsf career. Can't be sum up into one post, but mainly, the scenic view (though I keep on getting distracted by vincent's hawaii), the night markets, the Tai-meis, the air con weather, the pearl milk tea, the zha ji ba, the cheap cigs and beer, the PSPs, too many to mentioned. Compared to the past 2 trips, this was more, hmmmm, less restrained? in the sense, you're free to do whatever you like cause you're no longer a trainee. but on the other hand, I have to use the word fuck to describe the feelings I have during the entire trip. It was just fucked up. and I am glad to be back home.

Being there for so long makes me unused to the weather back home, its like average 14 degrees over there in the day dropping to as low as 6 in the night. Every night was a chore because you'll keep shivering regardless of the fact we're wearing 3 layers. The first night, everyone was gungho, and that resulted in a few hypothermal cases, everyone learnt their lessons and rushed for heat packs. no idea what is it? me neither till I came across them in Taiwan. funny the way they work. but it wasn't sufficient. we'll just shiver till the sun comes out. moreover, I had a rough time over there dealing with people. or maybe its just me. up to the point that I wish for everything to quickly get over and done with, a pasting facade of life I would say. just like other issues that surface before.

these past few months have my many 'firsts'. Sometimes it leaves me a little upset yet sometimes thrilled. I think I need a dog, like G's junior. He just makes life so much simple. except mum would freak out. oh well.

beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy =)

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 18:54:13 GMT

smile. ever wonder what's the story behind every one of them? whether its the "i'm so happy' theory or the 'just smile for the sake of smiling' hypothesis. whatever it is, it got the better of me to waste time pondering. hahs. crap you might say, but ain't it true that each story behind each smile is unique. she may be smiling because she's really happy, yet she may be smiling because she wants you to think that everything's okay when its not. how do you tell the story behind it then? maybe one day when the world stop wearing masks and start being true, we'll see real smile

I wanted to do a post this entire week, but procrastination got the better of me!

well, whatever.

suddenly i feel so old, hahas, hi 21!

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 14:03:45 GMT

thanks.

closed.

done. =)

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 00:19:31 GMT

this weekend gave me serious thoughts to blog on. or should i say the since the beginning of the new year. I spend last night fiddling with the webby considering the odds of blogging, as if i'll waste precious time penning down thoughts in my lap, until the point i so happened to browse through certain webpage that really didn't make my day, or night. let that be another chapter which i hope is closing soon.

anyway, been spending one hell of a time with the guys everytime i am outta camp, past midnight scouring bishan for supper place though there may be work the next day. its like the only thing that's keeping me alive, seriously.

you know life isn't going on the right track when the factual reality is,

i am totally stressed out with life at this moment. work ain't going well, coped with the fact that as each day pass, my dream career fades away, mounting injuries and dwindling determination makes it more worse. back home, it's not that bad actually, but i am only home at ungodly hour so it doesn't make a difference. when you wanted to really share your woes with the usual people, you realise they are not there, it makes no point to really ask them to listen.

and music?

when the tracks just doesn't sound right and you keep on skipping and skipping till you hit the end of your playlist. emo sounds are not soothing to the ears and heavy metal boils the blood.

then what?
techno? I rather go fuck myself.

so i'll be out there with sze, on weekdays and everyone else on weekends, sitting down at the cofffeshop till it closes, except ours doesn't close, till the thought of having to go to work beckons me to leave. then on weekends, with a car, we'll zoom around watching the citylights go back, winding up at the usual spot, shouting into the dark night and watch the shooting stars go by. we'll talk about our dreams and all, the places on earth we'll want to visit and plan to visit. there's a difference you see, because of crisp of papers we call money. we'll talk about making our way to the other side of the world, convincing each other who's more stupid. walk instead of public transport when there's no car. plan of places and things we want to do next week but still wind up at the same place every week every time, same shit different day. and when i am with them, no more were the times i worried about work, nor relationships, how to please people and avoid topics. society calls it putting your heart at ease with things, or simply living in your own comfort zone. and then there's the daily prayers, i don't say it but everyday inside, I give thanks to God for them.

yesterday, sheanee came back from aussie and gave me a call. haven't seen her for 4 years. prolly missed her alot though there's the internet which i always hate using for conversing. there's no life to it. spend the night catching up and she told me all the stories about her backpacking trips. made me all the more determined to leave this place and see the world. we made plans at the end of the year to go to the States together. this adds another trip unto the one that i have, which means more crisp papers savings now. hahs! sometimes I envy her for what she's doing. putting down everything and leave. I prolly could do that now, really. it just takes alot of guts to forsake the years of memories here to go abroad and create new ones. and sad to say, all you need is a little bit of unwanted unpleasantness to create that gut you need.

if given a choice, which year would you want to return to and stay there?

15 just held such better days, days when I still feel alive, I couldn't wait to get up.

people, we just don't learn to appreciate, and only when its the closing chapters, or when we start to lose the things then do we start to search and hold onto to it. ain't it too late then?

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:14:37 GMT

someone told me

somethings dont change. somethings always stay the same. some habits are hard to change. some days you feel concave. some days you feel the breeze. some kites fly high in the sky. some kites so fragile they tear in the wind. some people will always stay. some friends they drift away. some people are honest, some people bullshit all the way. some people are sincere, some tell tall tales make me gay. sometimes the sun is warm, sometimes it rains on me. some people are patient and some are gentle. some use sweet talk, some use force. some are abusive. some animals are huggable, some animals are ferocious. some animals are herbies, some eat meat! some people are popular, some people are misunderstood. some people are intelligent. some people need to work harder. some people wait forever. some people hate. some people cry. some sing. some wear masks. some people mutilate. some people cut, some do drugs, some people sleep with thugs. some people hurt themselves. some people make you smile, some people make you laugh. some people are loved, some people dont know they're loved.

are you confused. can you be certain?
dont fool around this time; dont break my heart
are you cunning, preying to feed your desires
is this from the bottom of your heart?
are you lying to me and is this just a coax
are you gentle and understanding
are you as sincere as i imagine?
will you love me at dawn should we shared a night
can i trust you with my heart
should i fall in love with you
will you fall in love with me.

how will we know if love will never die.
if time proves us true, what will it be like.
who can assure us unbroken hearts
when will i learn to trust, free the past.
who are you. where did you come from.
love, wont you give me wings and help me fly

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 10:07:35 GMT

when we really take a step back and see the big picture, we only know that the world has left us behind, on this solitary island, with wandering memories drifting in and out of our sights. all this? because of mistakes we already knew we were making.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:23:59 GMT

had my mri scan today. now let's play the waiting game and see how battered my body is. scoff!

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 10:18:05 GMT

i realised i didnt blog for a long time and i nearly forgot bout its existence. well, whatever, its like a dying trend to me, telling the world my daily stories. hahs. life? as usual, except I am going to have a more firm grip on choices and all things. Cny's around the corner, have fun people. I can't believe we did so much ytd night. hahs!

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 11:04:42 GMT

tired
.
sick
.
excited
.
anxious
.
sad
.
accomphlished
.
overwhelmed
.
relief
.
hopeful

we sing, we dance and we steal things.

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:05:48 GMT

Let us part here as we return back to the beginning,
the beginning where it all started out,
to where we truly feel its right again.

taiwan. sigh.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:55:33 GMT

are you ready for the finale?
cause i am, and its going to hurt real bad.

we wake up to find ourselves in a place call earth

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:50:07 GMT

its strange how the world have no time for anyone.
i had 2 cats for companionship on a night when everything crashes.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 12:48:55 GMT

The survivor's creed

For one to survive, one must die.
The survivor's own preservation takes precedence
over humanitarian principles.

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror,
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer.
But my breath fogged up the glass,
And so I drew a new face and I laughed.

lover's concerto

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:58:01 GMT

you know you're in trouble when you fail your medical test,
you know you're really in serious shit when you failed it twice.
and when the components are serious (i think?), blood and urine
I should be nervous.

I think.

Been away from home for so long, I think mum nearly couldn't recognise me.
went timbre with the o.c.s people.
and some club or pub after timbre close.
its always surprising to see what alcohol can do to people, hahs.
having been away from social life for quite some time, I forgot what once happened before

wasted.

I don't think whatever happened is worth mentioning here. but it was a good night though the finale was not really a nice one.

patrick. starfish

so we shall keep the ball rolling. time to get some preps done for brunei.

fuck you jcc.

~ cheers

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:21:43 GMT

I think army makes people learn how to appreciate. haven't been going home for so long makes home a more warm and cosy place, even the streets looks more welcoming. plus the bed that I haven't touch for 30 days.

~ cheers to nights out

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:11:18 GMT

I have never come across the word 'hatred' as much as I first stepped into o.c.s.
how much you want to wreck him,
bring him down,
basically just give it to him.

retardation

when the line is crossed, we'll shout in unison as we looked up the dark abyss.

C.D.O

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 08:59:14 GMT

20 days to brunei.
not exactly a nice place to be in for 21 days.
how should i say? trepidation? not exactly.
maybe more of a " I just wanna get over it " phase.

This whole week was pretty fucked up. No joke.
Spend most of it doing prep for j.c.c.
outfields, and outfields.
I got attacked by hornets, that was still manageable
bashed in thorny condition, freaking out but still sane
but I lost it when an ant nest fall on me.
I went nuts.
And to top it off, my precious weekend was replaced by c.d.o.

but on the other hand, it was a good time for self reflection.

was blog hopping through many sites.
and I realised how much I missed out on other people's life.
not really an issue for me since I always favour just keeping one core group.
but its the conscious bugging part that makes me sit uneasy.
everytime an outing is called, I'll find means and ways to avoid gatherings.
till the extent they are starting to harp on it.
I failed in honouring the promise of stuff like 'eternal friendship' blah blah.
but they didn't
its always, 'where's nic ah?' , remember to call nic okays?' 'hey, why didn't you turn up again?'
and when I fail to turn up, my name always managed to find its way into their conversations, or rather the stints and stunts i did.
I'm kinda apologetic.
I guess there's always a price to pay when you pay attention on some piorities.
like how being so focus on army, or every sat night with the guys is suffice enough to take up the whole weekends.
haven't been back home with them for so long makes me feel a little out of place at times.
maybe thats why?

I think everybody knows that as people grow they change,
I mention before i hate changes, I still do.
its the obsession with the past, the memories that deny changes a chance.
everybody seems to have moved on and drifted forward,
I have too, but maybe insignificantly. with maybe a leg wrapped onto the past.
can I have the contentment of both past and future?
mum says I'm weird and i think too much.
well, I got too much time to spare now.

maybe its time to open up the attention span and circle.
i always thought that its never too late to start all over again.
hope I am right.

gyps, gracians, hpts, endurance, rfc-ians, cdos, ocs.

Wed, 28 May 2008 15:41:58 GMT

i'm building a love and hate relationship for taiwan.
'roll eyes'

4 days to sg

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:19:31 GMT

ahh. boring days. who's free?

details

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:01:27 GMT

Saturday 15 December 2007.

Night cycling
Please meet at Bishan park at 730pm.
We'll will be renting bicycles from the kiosk there.
Actual plan was to meet at Changi.
No offense, but I believe that the Changi route will be too tedious for some.
So to accomodate all, we'll be taking a different and more 'okay' path.
Things to bring.
- water
- towel
- windbreaker ( I recommend it b'coz the past few trips we end up shivering in the rain, even with the windbreaker =) )
- identification card ( bus pass is fine )
if you wanna being along a bag, don't bring a sling bag. they kill.
joshua can give a good testimonial on that.
strap bag is good.
please don't bring useless stuff like PSP. travel light. =)

please tag to acknowledge that you've been updated. I'll take it that you guys are coming and keep you inform of any last minute changes.
till then, keep safe till sat =p

endless waltz

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 04:54:47 GMT

well well, can you believe it?
my ipod was soaked in the washing machine for one whole day.
got me so depressed during the a levels.
and now after two weeks,
its fully functional!

finished packing my stuff into boxes.
cleared away huge stacks of papers.
yeahhh, duty free
so tonight shall be the cage at east coast,
then joe's chalet. won't be back for 2 days i guess.
but the bad part is,
I can hardly belt out a sentence without getting myself killed.
i'm coughing like i've contracted tuberculosis.
damn. there goes the food part.

oh ya, mehhh. I'll be moving to cc during my ns period.
plenty of chances to meet up for late night supper!
please learn to reply text messages okay!. hahs

bye hippies, hi caravan

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:10:26 GMT

hello! I finally decided to put behind the posts in blogspot and shift to livejournal.
livejournal looks a little complicated?
but i craved for the privacy livejournal offering =)

finally everything's ended.
and an instant, there was no sense of directions.
one chapter of life is about to close, and the other is about to begin
its strange isn't it?
how people always complain about school life,
and when its finally over, the nostalgic feeling creeps up and tries to overwhelm you
and thats when you start thinking and thinking.

class chalet just ended.
night cycling was fun.
och gave a little creep.
late night bonding was good, so was the many rapes.
rain did his stunt and we all had fun. =)

The August sky will then bare witness
to a brand new chapter with torn up pages